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A roundup of news on sporting events, people and places in Southeast Michigan by columnist Jim Evans.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Fight Club with a maternal instinct

My wife and I have four kids.
Every parent knows it is not the easiest job in the world. Nobody at the hospital hands you an owner’s manual before you hit the door marked Exit. There is no money back guarantee, either.
Those kids are yours for better and for worse. And it’s ‘til death do us part. How come nobody talks about the birth vows?
When anyone asks me how the kids are doing, I flippantly respond that since I have never had to bail any of them out of jail, they are doing fine.
That drives my wife nuts. Actually they are doing great. They are hardly kids any more. They range in age from 34 to 19. Two boys and two girls.
But sometimes things happen that make me shake my head.
Did you see the story about the Florida mom whose conduct was splashed all over YouTube as she spurred her 16-year-old daughter onto greater glory during a fight with a classmate?
That mom, April Newcomb, 39, pleaded no contest to contributing to the delinquency of a minor and must attend a one-day parenting class. One day? I have a feeling that is nowhere near long enough. Ah well, it is probably too late anyway.
YouTube videos show Newcomb standing right there with a bunch of teens in a vacant field near Palmetto High School while the fight rages on screaming such warm and fuzzy advice like “Don’t f---ing stop!” and “Punch her in the f----ing body.”
Now, I grew up on a steady diet of 1960s sitcoms, and I might be mistaken, but I don’t remember one Donna Reed episode with similar dialogue. Did Harriet Nelson ever talk like Angelo Dundee in Ali’s corner?
As if that story was not bad enough. I had barely finished shaking my head when I came across another tale about parental love gone seriously south that nearly gave me whiplash.
This one occurred in rural Washington state, when an irritated dad had the audacity to take away his teenaged daughter’s cell phone. So what does she do in response? Stomp her feet? Run to her room and slam the door? Swear she will never talk to him again? Start f---ing punching him? Punch him in the f---ing body?
None of the above; the darling 15-year-old pulled out a hunting bow and proceeded to fire an arrow at dad.
The Sky Valley Chronicle reports that the man from the small community of Tahuya was admitted to the hospital “with a serious injury” after his daughter shot him with an arrow.
As if doing the Robin Hood number on Pops wasn’t bad enough, the lovely lass supposedly refused to let her father use the phone to dial 911, so he had to crawl to a neighbor’s house.
She was arrested in the woods behind her home with the bow and a few dozen arrows.
Cupid, draw back your bow. Isn’t the love between a father and daughter is a wonderful thing?


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