Blogs > From The Bleacher Seats

A roundup of news on sporting events, people and places in Southeast Michigan by columnist Jim Evans.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Everybody loves some body sometime

What, no ball game?
Buy three box seats, stick a cap on your dead pal’s head, and sit him down. Stick a beer in one hand, a hot dog in the other, and relax for nine innings.
At the very least, purchase a big screen television so you could watch games in the comfort of your own house in high definition. Stick him on the couch. Use his head for a coaster.
If this bizarre case is not the macabre real-life version of the movie “Weekend at Bernie’s,” then my name is Harry Caray and it is time for the seventh inning stretch.
Two men who admitted to driving around Denver with their dead friend's corpse and using the dead man's credit card to fund the night’s festivities were sentenced to probation late last week, according to news reports.
Robert Young, 43, and Mark Rubinson, 25, both pleaded guilty to misdemeanor charges of abusing the corpse of Jeffrey Jarrett last August, the Denver District Attorney's Office said in a press release.
Neither man was accused of killing Jarrett, who died at 43 from a lethal combination of drugs and alcohol.
Under the plea agreement, Young was given a two-year deferred sentence and must undergo "mental health evaluation and treatment, substance abuse assessment and treatment, and cognitive behavioral therapy," the release said.
He also must submit to random drug and alcohol testing, perform 50 hours of community service and pay $1,289.56 in restitution, in addition to maintaining full-time employment.
Rubinson was given a one-year suspended sentence and was ordered to the same drug and alcohol monitoring, therapy and work conditions, and perform 200 hours of community service.
These guys found Jarrett dead at the Denver home he shared with Young and rather than calling 9-1-1, they put the corpse in the back seat of Rubinson’s SUV and went for a ride. They went to Viva Burrito restaurant, stopped to gas up Rubinson’s vehicle, unloaded Jarrett’s body back at his house and then visited Shotgun Willie’s, a Denver area strip club.
They paid for the meal and gas with Jarrett’s credit card. While at the strip club, they used the card to withdraw $400 from an ATM.
The more I read the story, the more I shook my head. What on earth were they thinking?
And then I began thinking if these guys were so depraved, why did they stop there?
Why not go skiing in Vail? What harm would it be to put a corpse on the chair lift for about 12 round trips? How about scuba diving? You could save by just not filling up the oxygen tank. Give skydiving a try. No sense worrying about whether the parachute is properly folded and packed.
Only after leaving the club did the men call the police to report Jarrett’s death.
Per their probationary sentence, the men must write letters of apology to Jarrett’s family.
Can you imagine how those might read?
“Dear Mr. and Mrs. Jarrett:
We apologize for taking your dead son for a ride and using his credit card and stealing his cash. We just thought he would like to go partying with us one last time. He loved Mexican food. He loved the ladies. We really did love him, too. We are truly sorrowful and sorry.”


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