I’ve been watching way too much television lately.
How do I know? Because I am starting to critique the tattoos people are getting on shows like “Ink Master” and “Tattoo Nightmares.”
That from the totally unlearned perspective of a guy who doesn’t have a single smudge of ink on his body. In fact, if I mistakenly run a Bic pen across the back of my hand, I’ll scrub it right off.
But I watch “Ink Master” and “Tattoo Nightmares.” I’ll give my opinion on dragons crawling across thighs, pirate ships sailing across backs  and lotus flowers sprouting on backsides.

Don’t ask me why, but I find it fascinating. That probably says something about my intellectual capacity. Give me an ink blot test and I’ll see a botched tattoo.
It’s official; I am holding back on my dream vacation to Alaska. All you have to do is catch about 30 minutes of “Alaska State Troopers” to realize the entire state is nothing but an episode of “Cops” dressed in earmuffs. I swear on a stack of Sarah Palin election posters that if they are not driving drunk in Alaska, they are driving stoned. If they are not illegally poaching moose, they are snagging salmon. And, about 90 percent of the state seems to be armed.
Still, I find the show both enthralling and disturbing at the same time. I’ll bet nobody from the state’s tourism bureau gives it a thumbs up, though.
I love “Pawn Stars,” too. It’s about a pawn shop in Vegas and revolves around the owners and the intriguing people and items that walk through the door on a daily basis. A phony Babe Ruth baseball card. A book allegedly signed by Shoeless Joe Jackson. A sword from the War of 1812. There’s always some knowledge interspersed with the haggling and that makes it even more interesting.
“American Pickers” follows the same theme, but rather than waiting for the items to come walking through the door, a couple of guys from Iowa hop in their van and go searching for antiquated items of value by driving around the country. Sometimes they have appointments. Other times, they just pull into the driveway of places that look interesting.
The bottom line is, I’m watching too much television. I’m critiquing tattoos, Alaskan arrests, and pinball machines from the 1940s.
I need a hobby. In the meantime, pass the remote.